|
|
Branded a Nazi by some crazy people, Souter explained that the move was designed to stop kid crazy queens from picketing schools and attempting to induce pupils to join them in a care-free life of gay.
“I have this terrible image of innocent children coming home singing torch songs with a schoolbag full of bum creams.” said Souter today, almost regally.
Meanwhile, the Gay lessons every decent Scot has been fighting against for so long began in earnest today. Schools up and down the country supplemented normal lessons like Maths and English with classes on Bum-Touching, Dealing With Beard Rash and How To Calm Down Your Boyfriend When That Cow Darren Says Something About His Highlights.
“Tony Blair can criticise me for saying this if he likes. I don’t need a lecture on butchery from the Millbank machine.
All I have to say is this. If the government will do nothing about a group of people who callously hack up innocent animals and then sell their remains for a profit through a network of dusty, blood-soaked premises, then I will act to make sure my children are not exposed to it.”
Asked by some nit-picking lefty if he was just persecuting butchers because his attack on homosexuals had made him look a bit of a stupid old bigot, Souter brilliantly countered:
“ Of course not. I won that argument. Ask anyone, everybody still hates poofs. I mean, ok, most of what the “keep the clause campaign” said was proven to be utter shite, but people still wanted it to be true, which is all that matters. Personally I don’t care if it’s poofs or the tooth fairy, the fact is the bulk of the Scottish electorate want a hurriedly constructed scapegoat to blame for all their problems and that’s exactly what I’m going to give them, whoops! eh, I mean, the children, we’ve got to protect the children... ”
Souter also took the opportunity to publicise his attempt to buy the Millennium Dome, which he plans to turn into a heavily fortified cocoon for the children of the world, in an attempt to “inoculate them from gay” and other non-Christian influences.
When accused of actually planning to use the Dome as a future concentration camp for non-lovers of God, Souter was careful to clarify his stance:
“ As we all know, gay can be spread simply by talking about it. Imagine how fast it’s spreading right now just through casual everyday contact! “The Rainbow Centre” as I’m going to call it will minimalise the chance of actual contact with the entire concept of gay, thus guaranteeing a generation of children worthy of God’s divine love.” The press were then invited to a deserted room in the back where large bundles of fivers had been carelessly left lying around, alongside bottles of champagne and some handily prepared press releases.