Wannabe martyr Ahmed Suliman was arrested after driving into Jerusalem sporting a “HOW’S MY SUICIDE BOMBING? CALL 0800 GO TO HELL!” sticker on the fender of his 1987 Yugo. Seven pounds of Semtex was later found hidden in his pants. But, speaking from custody today, the failed religious murderer laughed off his mistake.

“It’s a little embarrassing, as you can imagine, but you’ve got to laugh, haven’t you?” Quipped Suliman from his cell.

“The lads at Hamas give out the bumper stickers when you join as a bit of a joke,” he told us. “But you’re not really supposed to put them on your car. I’m a bit of a joker though and thought it would be a laugh if I stuck them on. I never thought for a second that the sticker would cause all this trouble. Boy, is my face red!” Suliman also revealed that his sticker was only one of a range you could choose from when you join Hamas. Other hilarious selections include “MY OTHER CAR IS A BOMBED OUT SMOKING WRECK!” “YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MAD TO BE A SUICIDE BOMBER, BUT IT HELPS!” and “SUICIDE BOMBERS DO IT WITH VOLOTILE PLASTIQUE EXPOLOSIVES!”

Meanwhile, officials from the beleaguered Palestinian authority are divided over a radical new idea that has become know as “Ethical Suicide Bombing”. “We have startling new evidence that tells us once someone is dead, it’s very difficult to change their minds about things,” says Mohammed Osmar of moderate Arab group “Death To All Western Scum”.

“As such, we will be instructing our militants to hijack offices, restaurants and libraries were they will then show their hostages a brief AV presentation about our plight. Our captives will be given comment cards over tea and biscuits and will only be blown to kingdom come if they display a churlish failure to agree with everything we say.”